The Life and Love of Lily Evans
by thelovelyredhead
Summary: Lily decided the best course of action was a simple act to get back. However when the time comes to execute her plan, will she get cold feet? After overhearing a private conversation between Lily Evans and Severus Snape, James Potter finds himself thrown into a plot of revenge. Slight AU
1. An Awkward Situation

_I'm not sure I rated this correctly. I spent about 10 minutes having an argument inside my head whether this story should be T or M. Eventually, T won. I may change it to M at a later date depending what else I throw into this story. If you think it should be a different rating, don't be shy! Speak up!_

 _I'm not sure how long this story will be, but I will try to update every ~7 days._

 _And finally, unfortunately, I don't own Harry Potter._

 **Ch. 1 (An Awkward Situation)**

"Pass the powdered belladonna, please."

A small noncommittal sound escapes from behind Severus' curtain of hair as he grabs a small drawstring bag resting on the table. Passing the bag to Lily their fingers brush lightly, and he twitches. Lily, looking up from the potion they were brewing together (Coniunctis) notices his expression, which is frozen in something along the lines of anxiety… or fear.

Politely ignoring the fact that he was nervous enough to let it show on his face (Sev had always been a closed off person), which in turn put her on edge, Lily took the bag and measured out the dried, crushed flowers, tipping her hand so the dark purple powder fell into the cauldron. The thick orange liquid then turned deep blue as she stirred three times counter-clockwise.

Falling back onto her stool, she mopped her face with her sleeve and watched Severus start to clean up the table and put away spare ingredients. Looking around she saw her flustered classmates try to finish their potions, throwing in this and that until a loud explosion was heard coming from the back of the classroom. Professor Slughorn, her teacher, rushed (as fast as he could, having a slight potbelly) to the source of the sound muttering under his breath all the while about adding the sliced dragon liver before the belladonna.

Lily had a natural gift for potions, a fact which many people, including Professor Slughorn (especially Professor Slughorn), loved pointing out daily. There was something immensely calming about brewing, Lily mused, _Well, except for watching Rowena Hawk attempt to brew, that's downright stressful._ Snorting at the mental image of Rowena running around frantically trying to put out a fire that had spontaneously combusted in her cauldron, Lily ladled a bit of her (perfect) potion into a glass phial and corked it.

Walking between the rows of tables, she observed a wide range of skill and success. Being in NEWT level potions one would think that only the people with the skills and motivation required to pass would sign up, and that's where one would be wrong. You had people like Ivor Hamish, a Slytherin living up to the Slytherin ideal. Evil, slimy, and dumb as a doornail all wrapped up behind a face uglier than a gargoyle. Normally, Lily disliked people who didn't talk to someone just because of their appearance, but Ivor was her exception.

Reaching Slughorn's desk she set the phial down carefully in the tray before turning around and running head first into none other than James Potter. James Potter, the _beloved_ , the _wise_ , the _hero_ , the _toe-rag_. Most girls would positively _swoon_ at the look he was giving her now.

"Fancy seeing you here, Evans."

"Oh yes, it's not like anyone to show up to their own _classes_."

Faking hurt, he replied "And now, I thought you were here to see me!"

"Keep dreaming, maybe one day I'll fall down the stairs and hit my head." She said, attempting to push past her (unfortunately) breathing roadblock.

"Aww, you don't want to see this face?" he wheedled, effectively blocking her exit path.

"No, but I'm pretty sure Cerys would." James' brows creased together. "And I'm pretty sure she sees much more of you than your face."

James' face suddenly morphed into one of unshakable confidence, "Oh really?"

"Yes, next time choose a girl who doesn't talk so much." Lily shuddered

He smirked, "Well then, I assume she has been talking about my amazing prowess," he paused, wiggling his eyebrows, "in bed." He finished

"Unfortunately, yes. I had to sit through her describing in morbid detail the time you shagged her raw on the Astronomy Tower. I felt the bile rising up my throat, to be honest."

"I certainly hope she also told you about the time in locker rooms." He said, smile growing with each word

"Yes, that and the jaunt in the Forbidden Forest. And the forgotten Prefect rounds. And the time in Hogsmeade. And countless others." Scowling, she added, "So for the sake of humanity _please_ choose a girl next time who doesn't enjoy oversharing."

Smirking he added, "You don't overshare."

Ignoring her feline yowl of disgust, he slung his arm around her shoulder and (quite forcefully) walked her back down the isle of desks. It was a well-known fact that James Potter, while having his pick of almost all the girls in seventh year, preferred to go after Lily Evans, who forcefully threw all his advances back in his face. It was also well known that the fiery redhead was the 'mysterious' person that smashed James' face with Advanced Potion-Making in sixth year after being subject to one too many of his famous advances.

"So, want to recreate the Hogsmeade deal this weekend?" he asked, putting on his most charming smile

"Is that your way to ask a girl out?" Lily scoffed

"It's worked before," he said defensively, "besides, I'm sure you remember everything I did in excruciating detail, so it'll be easier to recreate."

Ignoring his last comment Lily asked, "Is that cauldron over there your potion? The one that's giving off large amounts of pink smoke?"

"Bollocks!" he muttered, releasing his vice like grip on Lily's shoulders and dashing off, weaving in and out of other students' work areas and cauldrons to try to get to his smoking potion.

"Maybe you should pay attention to what you're supposed to be doing, instead of asking me if I want to shag!" she called after his retreating back amid laughter from the other students.

Successfully escaping her captor, Lily made her way back to her table where Severus was just finishing cleaning up. Lily, joining him, deftly started to wipe down the worn wood while magicking away any scraps she came upon.

"What did Potter want." It was more of a statement than a question, Lily noted.

"Besides wanting to shag? Nothing really. I think he tried to ask me out to Hogsmeade in a very Potter-like fashion."

This reply earned a snort from Severus.

"I don't even really know why he persists; I've made it pretty clear I hate his guts." She continued.

"Well isn't it obvious? He fancies you," He paused in thought, "and probably has some other motive in mind."

"What? Like getting me naked?" rolling her eyes she added, "I'm pretty sure that's obvious. Besides he can have any other girl but me, why waste his oh so _precious_ time chasing after me?"

"Probably because he's gone this long chasing after you, and isn't going to stop just because you tell him daily to go off himself. That and if he manages to get you, you'd be a trophy of sorts."

Lily, satisfied with Severus' answer (as it matched her own suspicions), finished wiping the table and moved on to the cauldron, scrubbing out the inside after vanishing the rest of the deep blue liquid with a lazy flick of her wand.

Suddenly, the booming voice of Professor Slughorn filled the room, "Lovely my dear boy, positively perfect!"

Craning her neck to see who warranted such praise, was shocked to see James holding his own phial full of (perfect) deep blue potion.

"Many people wouldn't think to add in crushed lacewing flies to counteract the over-stewed dragon liver. Five points to Gryffindor! Have you ever considered a career in potions?"

 _Damn him, the prat fixed his potion._ Lily thought bitterly as James awkwardly ruffled his hair at such praise. _AND Slughorn asked him about his career. He only does that to students he likes!_ The fact that James had now wormed his way into Slughorn's heart miffed her far more than his success at fixing his potion. Previously, Slughorn only held _Lily_ in his favor. Now it looked like she would have to share.

"Well… Professor. I… I was thinking more along the lines of Auror…" James answered awkwardly

Slughorn, waving his hand replied, "Bah, well, if the Aurors prove too difficult, you know where to find me." He said with a wink.

"Well, thank you sir, I will keep that in mind."

Turning around, James made eye contact with Lily, who previously didn't realize she was staring. Stuck in her mind's circulating logic, she didn't notice him approach. As he swept by her table he leaned over and whispered, _"You should close your mouth, you might catch some flies in that thing."_

Blushing furiously, she snapped her mouth shut and glared at his back. _Damn him, damn him, damn him…_

She was brought out of her line of thought when Severus tapped her arm to bring to her attention that class was over and almost everyone had exited the dungeon already. Jamming her textbooks into her bag, she straightened up to walk beside her potions partner.

After pushing open the heavy wooden door and walking halfway down the drafty corridor, Severus stopped suddenly. Lily, noticing something was wrong, stopped also and looked at him. She noticed the same expression on his face from earlier, fear. Taking a deep breath and seemingly steeling his nerve he opened his mouth and asked,

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"

"What?"

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" he asked again

"I was coming with you anyways… like always. Why wouldn't I?" she asked, concerned

He took another deep breath and explained this to her as if she was a small child, "No, I mean, a.. a date. Not just as friends."

"Oh." She said in a small voice, "Well I… I just don't…" she trailed off, already feeling a blush creep across her face.

His eyes, scanning her face, slowly became more and more guarded as she kept talking.

"I, I don't think of you that way. You're like a brother to me." Trying to ease the tension that had suddenly sprung up between the two she joked, "And as you know, that would be incest…" she trailed off, suddenly realizing that her crack was not taken well by Severus, whose face was now a cold, expressionless expanse.

Realizing that she would never have the same relationship with him again, Lily silently held back tears after losing one of her most cherished friendships.

x

 _James Potter could hardly believe his luck._ After escaping Slughorn (who cornered him again after class) ran into what looked like quite the interesting conversation between Lily and _Snivellious_ Snape _._ He knew it was important when he loudly shut the dungeon door behind himself and they paid no notice. Deciding to investigate, he pulled his ever-present invisibility cloak out of his bag and threw it on. Then he started creeping closer to hear what they were saying.

… _Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"_

" _What?"_

" _Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"_

" _I was coming with you anyways… like always. Why wouldn't I?"_

" _No, I mean, a.. a date. Not just as friends."_

It just kept getting better and better…

" _Oh. Well I just don't… I… I don't think of you that way. You're like a brother to me… And as you know, that would be incest…"_

Pure gold.

 _Maybe I should be pitiful, and leave quietly,_ he thought, _but that wouldn't be characteristic of James Potter, now would it?_

x

 _Lily, thinking her day couldn't get any worse, was wrong._ After the whole "incest" ordeal she was about to make quick escape when James Potter (literally) popped into being out of nowhere.

"Better luck next time, _Snivellious._ " He spat, roughly knocking Severus on the shoulder as he sauntered past the shell-shocked pair in the hallway.

 _He… he couldn't have been here the whole time, could he? Then again he seemed to have been there when Severus asked me out… and I rejected him… oh no._ Lily worried, _Sevs not going to hear the end of this…_

Turning to face Severus, she saw that if anything his face had gotten harder, and color bloomed high on his cheeks. Biting her lip and trying to hold back tears (from sadness or anger, at this point she herself couldn't even tell), Lily was about to excuse herself when he saved her the trouble and stiffly turned away from her and walked the opposite way down the hall.

Fleeing the scene, Lily positively _flew_ back to her dormitory. Taking stairs two at a time, she knocked into a pair of confused second years who dropped their books in surprise.

Reaching the portrait hole she choked out the password (flobberworm) and was about to sprint across the room when she noticed James lounging in the corner with his friends Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Not wanting to seem as if James' snooping bothered her, she forced her steps to slow and her face into an indifferent mask.

"Hey Evans, I heard you got asked out!"

 _Very funny, Potter. You won't be laughing soon, 'cause now it's personal._

Saying nothing, she was only going to silently curse him but reassessed as she was in a vengeful mood (after knocking into the second years she decided the tears were angry ones), and decided to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

Veering off her course Lily slowly walked over to the group while pulling out her wand. Stopping an inch from James' form she stared at him full in the eyes. Just staring at the hazel orbs, she tried to convey exactly how angry she was and exactly how painful her revenge would be.

"No." she answered, poking him (rather forcefully) in the chest with her wand.

Turning around, she climbed the stairs to her friends' dormitory.

x

 _He had never seen Lily in such a state._ After calling after her, he was expecting a snarky, mean response. What he got instead was a Lily, mere inches away from him, simply glaring at him. He knew he would never, ever forget the look of poorly contained malice in her eyes. The pooling green simply _radiated_ revenge. James just started something he knew he would never win.

x

 _Review! Let me know you're out there!_

 _-Red_


	2. Of Secrets and Plots

_Hi guys! In this chapter there is a bit fouler language, with more to probably come in upcoming chapters. It's not frequent by any stretch but it's still there. Just a warning._

 _I know the perspectives of Lily/James flip quite frequently in this chapter, but the next chapter will have longer perspectives before they flip._

 _As I write this it's 3:45 am and I have rewritten this chapter enough to drive even myself crazy. I hope you can enjoy the fruits of my labor._

 _Unfortunately, I don't own Harry Potter._

 **Ch. 2 (Of Secrets and Plots)**

Having arrived at her destination, Lily raised her fist and pounded on her former roommates' door. Being Head Girl, she got her own dormitory located near the prefects' bathroom (to which it connected to). Having her own space was nice, but sometimes you just have to go and plot with your friends instead of plotting alone.

It wasn't long until the door opened and Lily was pulled into her old room.

The circular dormitory was just as she remembered it. Five four poster beds lined the walls with heavy red velvet curtains shielding the beds and the windows. Hair ties lay scattered on the floor and, Lily noted, that Lydia still had a ridiculous amount of plants on her window sill.

Alice Hock, one of her best friends, was the first to speak,

"It's been a while since you've bothered to come to your _real_ dorm, Lily. To what do we owe this huge disgrace?" she asked, faking sincerity in her stinging words.

Lily, ignoring Alice's jest, walked over to her old bed and flopped down on it.

"I am going to _kill_ James Potter."

"Do I sense a need for revenge, here?" Alice asked

Smiling Lily said, "Call the girls over."

"Lydia, Arabella, get over here!"

Lydia Rimmer, Arabella Alto, Lily Evans and Alice Hock were best of friends and near inseparable since first year. Ever since Lydia tripped over the threshold of their dormitory, they went through crushes, boyfriends, heartbreak and feuds together.

Now, the four of them sat together on Lily's old bed, with the curtains drawn. It was a cozy fit, to say the least. As first years they all fit quite easily, now their longer limbs were vying for control of the small space.

" _Lumos_ " Alice whispered, the tip of her wand lighting.

"So I was think-" Lily started,

"Wait," Arabella interrupted, " _muffliato_ , alright, continue."

" _Achem._ Well, as I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted…"

x

 _James tried to focus, he honestly did_. He wasn't sure if Cerys Alto noticed he was only about 1% mentally there, but he half hoped she would so she'd just leave him alone.

Absent-mindedly he fingered the small singed hole in his shirt where Lily had burned through the fabric in her fit of rage. It seemed that she had an alternate motive for jabbing him in the chest with her wand, not only to prove her point but to ruin his favorite shirt.

Reluctantly dragging his eyes from where they rested on a library book shelf back to Cerys, (the twin sister of Arabella and the fifth and former roommate to Lily), he thought how much he hated it when she was just _talking_ about this or that. Didn't she ever shut up?

He also realized she wasn't as much of a catch as most male specimens in the seventh year thought her to be. Sure, she was good looking, with soft black hair and green eyes most guys would fawn over her. But she was a bit generic for his taste, and her green eyes seemed… diluted. They were too grey.

Lily… Lily though. Pale, creamy skin and wild red hair. Oh how he longed to run his fingers through her hair. _Her_ green eyes weren't diluted. He knew that for a fact as they had been inches away from his only a few hours ago. Merlin, she was beautiful. And damn smart too…

"James, James!" came a voice, far away

"James!" he didn't want to leave this picture…

"JAMES!" the mental picture he was holding on to oh so tightly suddenly slipped from his grasp and shattered on the ground like a mirror.

"Bad luck." He muttered aloud

"What?"

"It's bad luck to break a mirror…" he trailed off.

James, already trying to slip back into his daydream was interrupted yet again.

"What? How is that even remotely related to what we we're talking about?" Cerys asked

After a pause the 1% of his brain that was paying attention to the conversation registered that his girlfriend was waiting for a response, "Mmmhhhmmmm, yes dear." He said distractedly

"You know, if whatever is in your head right now is _so_ much more interesting than actually talking with your girlfriend, then I'll be in the Common Room." Cerys snapped, gathering her bag up from the table and huffily marching out of the library.

Somewhere in his brain James registered that Cerys was mad at him. The same part also told him he didn't really care.

Finally slipping back to his daydream he started picking up the shards of mirror that littered the ground.

 _It's bad luck to break a mirror._

x

 _They all just couldn't agree._ Passions ran high and Lily's bed had since been abandoned after everyone's different opinions came out. Cerys had left a while ago, so the four girls were scattered about the room without the fear of her snitching to James.

"What if we just have a deadly 'accident' and he gets killed or permanently maimed or something."

"For the last time, Alice. We aren't doing physical harm!" Lily yelled

"No, because you secretly like him, don't you?"

"OH FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, NO."

"Well if I may suggest something," Lydia inserted, "I say we break his _top of the line_ Nimbus. He loves that twig more than he loves his girlfriend."

"That's because my sister is an airhead. Hell, I hate her and I'm her sister." Arabella snorted. "Honestly though, Alice, you sound like he personally _avada kedavra'd_ your whole family."

"WELL HE DID SOMETHING WORSE!" Alice defended, "HE WAS AN ASSHOLE TO LILY!"

"I think _you're_ the one who likes him, not Lily." Arabella commented.

"I DO NOT-"

"STOP IT! This is ridiculous! When I said I wanted to kill Potter I didn't mean it literally! I think I'm just going to go with the original plan, ok?" Lily interrupted, cutting off Alice's heated reply

"Hah! Make sure it's at least mortifying and deeply revealing… I want to see the look on his face!" Alice smiled with malice.

"Well first we have to get the secret out of him, Alice. That requires trust. And the part I'm least looking forward to."

"Well yes, befriending Potter certainly is an unfortunate side effect."

x

 _When James finally put down his quill, it was dark outside and he was late for dinner in the Great Hall._ Pushing back the wooden chair he had occupied for the greater part of the afternoon, James picked up his scattered parchments off the table in front of him and stuffed them in his bag.

After Cerys left he had been daydreaming, lured into his mind by the heavenly image of a certain girl by the name of Lily Evans. Eventually though, he had to surrender to his mounting pile of homework.

Grabbing the last of his things, he slung his bag over his shoulder and strolled through the quiet rows of bookshelves.

After making it out into the deserted and chilly corridor, he turned left and descended several flights of stairs before moving a tapestry to the side and slipping into the passage way behind (this passage would take him to an old unused classroom, not far from the Great Hall).

His feet following the familiar curves, James was soon faced with the end of the passage and the back of the 'Whispering Mirror', as Sirius had dubbed it. The Marauders had come across this passage completely by accident when running from Filch well after curfew in third year.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had locked themselves in an old classroom with Filch hot on their heels. Panicking, they waited for their impending doom (and probable expulsion) when Filch sent his blasted cat to go get his keys for the old lock while he guarded the door (as Filch was a squib, he couldn't use a simple _alohamora_ to open the door). Sirius started pacing and saw a large golden mirror with clawed feet adhered to the wall behind them.

Drawing closer, Sirius says he saw not his reflection but the curious scene of himself pressing a small section of wood on a mirror identical to the one hanging before him, and pulling back the mirror to reveal a hole. Figuring he had nothing to lose he pressed the same spot on the mirror in front of him and pulled. To his delight the hole appeared to be a passage leading away.

Calling to his friends, they hurriedly clambered into the passage and pulled the mirror closed behind them.

Smiling at the memory, seventh year James shut the intricate mirror closed behind him and picked his way through the over turned desks that still littered the room. Opening the classroom door, he checked his watch and hurried his steps.

x

 _Lily was walking to the Great Hall with her friends._ The four girls chatting away merrily had since banished Lily's foul mood.

"-ridiculous! NEWT level is supposed to be hard, I get that, but sixty inches on the use of blisterwart as a poison is abhorrent!" Lydia preached, "Its's not even poisonous! I'm all for herbology, but sometimes I think Sprout is trying to get us to poison ourselves with her damn baneberry."

"Woah! Language!"

"Oh stuff it, Ara! I've heard worse come from your mouth."

Keeping a straight face Arabella started, "Oh, like shite?"

She then preceded to list every single expletive known to wizard kind amid protests from Lydia (who thought that saying 'damn' after stubbing your toe was a criminal offence, but slipped up time to time when she was angry) and giggles from Lily and Alice.

After Arabella ran out of oaths they fell into a happy silence which was broken when Sirius Black breezed by Alice, knocking her roughly on the shoulder. Not even bothering to turn around, he waved his hand over his head in apology while simultaneously talking animatedly to Remus about a 'Penelope'.

Alice, noticing where Arabella was looking, said, "If you stare at him any harder, you'll be his first kiss." She teased

"Oh piss off!" Arabella responded, in response to the stab at her crush on Remus.

"Well good luck to you anyways, I haven't seen him so much as touch another girl since fifth year."

Walking the rest of the way to Gryffindor table in silence, Lydia, Lily and Arabella went to sit where they normally did whereas Alice turned to where three out of the four Marauder boys were gathered.

"Aren't you going to sit with Potter?" Alice asked Lily.

"Well yes, but James isn't there." Was Lily's easy (and true) response.

 _and I hate him,_ she added in her head. _Although I'm not too sure you care…_

Eyes wandering, Lily swept the great hall wondering where, in fact, was Potter. Instead of finding him though, she accidently found Severus who was sitting with his 'friends' at the Slytherin table. Making eye contact she still saw the same anger and humiliation in the way his eyes were set and his mouth was a thin line. Hunched over slightly, he seemed he didn't want to be noticed, especially by her. Looking away quickly, Lily focused on her own table.

Alice, looking at the boys (or lack of a particular one) admitted defeat and followed Lydia to their normal spot. Loading up their plates, chatter drifted away from the topic of Potter and Remus while Lily's mind drifted solely to the subject of Potter.

 _James Potter… after spending six years of my life avoiding you, I'm going to go against my very nature and try and see past your horrible attitude, inflated ego, annoying pranks and general snotrag-ness to simply tolerate being in your presence._

Shoveling mashed potato into her mouth she continued composing her 'letter' to him that he'd never read,

 _I'm going to have to look past the fact that I spent four years of my life as prefect and head girl picking up the fallout behind your latest prank, lewd announcement or girlfriend! I STILL remember having to explain to some terrified first year girls what 'shagging' meant. I spent four. Bloody. Years. covering up YOUR liquor smuggling business because Remus asked me nicely! MY intervention kept a bunch of fourth year boys from getting caught (and probably expelled) smuggling in YOUR firewhiskey! I risked MY neck for the blundering boys completing your 'training'! I hate how you simply couldn't walk away from a PRIVATE conversation! I hate all the stress you put on me! I hate all the stress I put on myself! I hate that I am fool enough to pick up the mess you leave behind to gain respect among the teachers! They still don't take me seriously! I hate how much of a pushover I am! I hate how you are smart without trying! I hate how hard I have to work to simply match you! I hate how you can simply waltz into a room and command respect! Even from the teacher! I hate you! I hate myself! I hate YOU!_

Taking her fork, she slammed the sharp prongs into the roast beef on the plate in front of her.

"Wow, Lily, I didn't know you had such a strong opinion on politics." Lydia commented mildly

"I don't." she bit out.

This was going to be harder than she thought _._

x

 _Inconspicuously slipping into the great hall, James slid in besides Sirius and started piling food on his plate_. While eating, he listed in on the heated conversation about Quidditch raging on between the Gryffindor team and his friends.

"The Harpies have Morgan though! Do you remember the last time they played the Heidelbergs?"

"Oh come off it, Morgan's on her way out. Brilliant in her youth but she was never the same after the game with the Moroccans. That and the Germans are looking especially strong this year. Absolutely _flattened_ the Wasps."

"Also from what people are saying they're extra motivated to get back after the game in '53. Nothing scarier than an incensed Vogler coming after you with a quaffle."

"Vogler wasn't even on the team in '53."

"But there's a sense of wounded pride when it comes to having your idol smashed over the head with a Cleansweep." James weighed in.

"Morgan rode a Cleansweep? I always thought it was the Swiftstick…"

Damascus Pullman's (the sixth year seeker on the Gryffindor team) careless comment on Gwendolyn Morgan's broom brought forth another boisterous conversation on various brooms and threw most of the table back into turmoil.

"Forget Cleansweeps and Swiftsticks, Shooting Stars are the best broom you can buy right now!"

"Are you kidding yourself? My grandfather is faster than a Star!"

And thus raged the conversation until it was time to leave the hall and go back to the common room and continue there. James, being head boy, instead of heading to the tower headed to his own private room.

Reluctantly leaving the conversation and bidding his friends goodnight, James broke off from the group and walked the stone corridors until he reached his portrait hole. Unfortunately, someone beat him there.

"You changed your password." Cerys remarked.

"Yeah, I did."

"Why?"

 _To keep you out._

"I just wanted to be alone for a while."

After an awkward pause Cerys said, "Oh. I'll… I'll just leave then…"

Shoving his hand deep in his pockets, he replied "Yeah… Thanks."

Cerys then started walking away slowly as if she were waiting for James to call her back. Making sure she was way out of earshot before he knocked on the canvas (to wake the hungover subjects) and whispered his password the portrait of the drunken monks, James slipped inside his room.

Pulling out his wand, he started a fire in the grate and threw his bag on his desk. Groaning he careened onto the couch like a fallen tree.

 _This has got to stop._ He thought, _I feel like I'm a horrible boyfriend._

Flipping onto his back, he continued his line of thought, _Well I kind of am. Pining after some woman while dating another is certainly frowned upon. Nothing has even changed between Lily and I and I can't stop thinking about her. Has it always been this bad?_

After reasoning a while he decided, _No, only recently this has started. When I overheard Snape ask her out. What's wrong with me? She refused him… Maybe I'm scared if I ever ask her seriously she'll reject me…?_ _Well that's a given. She hates me._

Musing over this he wondered what it would take for her to say yes. _If someone confunded her, or imperioused her… or as she so eloquently put it, falling down the stairs and hitting her head would work. I wonder if I 'accidentally' pushed her down the stairs would I feel guilty? Probably._

Slowly he became aware he was daydreaming about asking another woman out instead of paying attention to his _real_ girlfriend.

 _Merlin I've been so terrible to her… No more thinking about the redhead! Only Cerys! I'll be better. I have to be better. I'll be better…_

Repeating this phrase over and over in his head like a mantra did nothing to ease the sick feeling in his stomach.

 _This is useless._

Pushing himself off the couch, he crossed the room to his bag where he pulled out a clean leaf of parchment and a quill.

Sitting at his desk he tapped his inkpot with his wand, turning his ink from black to the perfect shade of red. Taking his quill, he outlined the figure of a woman. Skillfully drawing delicate features on her face and flowing mane of hair, he slaved away on the Scarlet Woman.

James' mother, an artist, had taught him how to draw at a young age. He had been doing it ever since. The deft strokes calmed him, as did the scene flowing from his fingers.

 _If only Hogwarts saw me now._

Smiling ruefully, he finished the rough sketch.

Randomly, a memory of his sprang to the surface. He was seven again, and sitting in his kitchen with his mother painting. She had a beautiful scene of a sparrow and James had tried to copy it (with little success). Looking at his painting he made to throw it out when his mother saved it from the bin. Chastising him for making to throw out his painting, she made him initial it when he refused to outright sign the work. After catching James attempting to throw out the work again, his mother framed it and hung it on the wall. Many people often thought he got his stubborn attitude from her.

Looking down and gazing at the frozen likeness of Lily, he initialed it. It was one of the best things he had made. James touched her beautifully inked face then realized what he was doing and violently shoved the paper away from himself.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

x

 _Lily knew she should give him more time to cool off, but she just couldn't control the overwhelming urge to check if he was alright._ Checking the clock on her bedside table, she let out a resigned sigh. Tossing and turning in her bed, she couldn't find comfort. The sheets on were too hot, the sheets off were too cold. Her pillows were too soft or too hard, too high or too low no matter what she did. Her mind simply wouldn't leave her alone and shut off.

Throwing the sheets off, she started pacing around her room, trying to control her foolish temptations. Giving in and knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep until she knew how her longtime friend was doing, Lily threw on her cloak andquietly slipped out of her rooms. Her black cloak billowing behind her as she padded silently through the castle, knowing where he would be.

Lily and Severus were friends since they were very little growing up together in a small smoggy town high in the north called Spinner's End. The local coal mines and textile factories gave the town it's dirty and rundown look.

Lily's own mother worked with Severus' in the local textile factory, which is how the two met. During the summer, all the women from the factory would gather on Saturdays at one of their houses and eat and socialize until it was dark out. Most of them couldn't afford a child sitter, so they would bring their children along with them.

Lily, Petunia and Severus were the only children older than the babes clutched by their mothers who attended. They were all surprisingly of similar age. Lily, who found the mother's idle chatting extremely boring, was drawn to Severus for his adventures. Often escaping their mothers to go run around the back lane, they were endless trouble.

Eventually, during one of their Garden Party escapes he told her about a boarding school he was accepted to. All the strange improbable things that happened around him that he told her about was exactly why he was accepted. He told her he was extremely sorry she wasn't allowed and offered to sneak her in using his trunk, when, to his astonishment, Lily informed him a similar package with her name on it had also came through to her in the mail.

Rejoicing in the fact they were both magically gifted, they ran around that day harder than most.

Now Lily found her childhood playmate alone in an unoccupied dungeon, where he was sitting on the ground. Silently she approached and sat down in front of him.

Lifting his head, Severus hissed, "Why are you here?"

"Why do you think?"

"I don't need your help."

"I wasn't offering any."

"Then _why are you here?_ "

"Why are you?"

Lily's last comment put the two into silence.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your stupid thing with Potter. I wouldn't be sitting in my humiliation if you said yes. I wouldn't be here if I had cut you off like I should have when you went to Gryffindor."

Pushing back her hurt and anger Lily replied coolly, "Sev, you- "

"Don't call me that!"

"You're not being fair- "

"Well life isn't fair, Lily." Getting up to leave he added, "Maybe you should get used to it."

Now sitting alone on the floor of the dungeon, Lily's mind was spinning.

 _He blames me for this mess. What did I do? It's not my fault Potter won't leave me alone. It's not my fault I went to Gryffindor. It's not my fault he's more brother than lover! Don't blame me!_

Lily stood up to leave also. Exiting the room, she knew that she shouldn't have gone and talked to him when he was still this upset. What worried her most about his words was that he was possibly harboring all those emotions all the time and just never told her… Did her really want to ditch her? Or was that something he just said to get to her?

Now knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep for another reason, Lily climbed through the portrait hole and stalked up to her bed, where she lay down on it and stared at the ceiling.

 _Does he really want me gone?_

x

 _I would like to thank the people that took time to review. I don't know if you care that I was literally dancing around my room when I saw the first one, but I was. Thank you._

 _And now I call for more of the same, review! Make my day!_

 _-Red_


End file.
